Have you ever wondered what a therapist will do when you decide to go to counseling? Do you find yourself curious about what a therapist is thinking? Maybe you even feel worried about what a therapist is writing during your session (if you have a therapist who takes notes during session). Well, I've decided to let you all in on a few trade secrets since I believe transparency can take away the paranoia or mystery of counseling. Here are a few things we therapists aren’t going to do!
1: Therapists Aren't There To Give Advice.
The absolute biggest misconception about therapy is that you are there to be given advice. This is not how therapists are trained and I'll tell you why. For example's sake: Let's say I am your therapist and you're going through a tough time, having a hard time making decisions in your life or knowing what next step to take. If you come to me and I start spouting off a lot of advice about what you should do and shouldn't do, where you should go and where you shouldn't go. Who in this scenario has control of your life? You? or Me? If you answered "Me" then you're correct. I am suddenly in control of the decisions you make. If those decisions turn into amazing things in your life, guess who deserves the credit? You? or Me? Me.
The goal of therapy is not for the therapist to take control of your life and be the puppeteer, pulling the strings. The goal of therapy is to help YOU make the best decisions for your life. And guess who knows your life best? You! Guess who knows what has worked and hasn't worked? You! Guess who knows your innermost thoughts and feelings? You! So guess who should be making your decisions? You. There's so much free will and choice in that! It's a beautiful thing that should be acknowledged!
Advice-giving is me saying I don't trust you to make good decisions. Advice-giving is me saying I know better than you. My friends, this just simply isn't true. I know you might struggle to trust in yourself because you've made some poor choices in your past. I know you may feel less than confident in your ability to know what the right direction is for your life. My job isn't to tell you what to do. My job is to help you see that you have every single resource you need inside of you. YOU are smart. YOU are valuable. YOU are free to make your own choices. Sometimes we lose our way and we need to be reminded of that, but at the end of the day, a therapist is only there to help you find your voice again, to help you find your confidence again, to help you understand the barriers and the roadblocks in your way, and to eventually celebrate with you when YOU make all the choices in your life that will propel you forward!
2: Therapists Aren't There To Force Their Beliefs On You.
Therapists are human. We have our own emotions, our own thoughts, our own beliefs, our own spirituality. However, in a counseling session where you are the one paying, it is imperative that you feel like the topics being discussed and the direction of the therapy is guided by YOUR emotions, and YOUR thoughts, and YOUR beliefs, and YOUR spirituality. When you make changes and choices in your life, it is so important that they're in line with how you are put together, not with how the therapist is put together. I, as your therapist, don't have to live your life. Therefore, I don't have to be okay with your choices. You, however, have to live your life and it is crucial that YOU are okay with your choices.
If you ever feel that the therapy session is more about how the therapist believes and more about how the therapist feels and think, my question to you is: why are YOU the one paying? ;-)
3: Therapists Aren't There To Judge.
The whole point of therapy being confidential and safe is that it offers a judgment-free zone. Therapists have a lot of other things to expend their energy on and judging shouldn't be one of them. However, I also find that when we are self-conscious about ourselves, our choices or our past, we can often interpret behaviors or tones from other people as being judgmental. This is often not because someone is actually being judgmental, but because we look at the world through a lens riddled with insecurities and fears. It is extremely important that if you are in therapy and you feel judged by your therapist that you speak up about it so that you both can process these feelings. It does us no good to go through life thinking everyone is out to judge us. Ultimately, the responsibility of living a life where you care less about what people think and care more about what you think falls on your own shoulders.
4: Therapists Aren't Quoting You Word For Word In Their Notes.
Another concern that people often have is that their therapist is writing out what is being said verbatim in their notes. This is a misconception and more importantly, almost impossible. A therapist takes notes more for their own benefit than anything else. We can see upwards of 30 clients a week and it's important for us to be able to remember what we did in the last session with each specific person. Every client that comes through our door has a unique story, a unique family system, and a unique set of strengths and growth areas. Most of the time, your therapist is filling their notes with things pertaining to what was worked on in the session, maybe the layout of your family system, and important details that are needed to better assist the therapist in understanding you on a deeper level. A therapist’s notes rarely have the opinions or thoughts of the therapist. So rest assured that a therapist isn't trying to quote you verbatim in their notes, and more importantly, a therapist is only taking notes so that he or she can better keep all the pertinent details you share in one place.
My goal in writing this blog was to help take some of the mystery out of counseling. It isn't meant to minimize what therapists do, as I believe that it takes a great deal of intentionality, empathy and solution-focused discussion in order to be a therapist (maybe I'm biased). If you've been hesitating on entering into therapy, I hope this will help ease some of your fears or concerns. Therapy is a place of healing, a place of safety, and a place of unconditional positive regard.
Until Next Time!
Be Happy! Be Healthy!
Comments