I'm pondering the word “pace” today. I know, it’s weird. But I’m actually sitting on my front porch right now and many of my neighbors get up in the mornings and walk. They all walk at different speeds. This man just walked by with his dog. He had a good pace going, his dog had an even faster pace going. It made me think about all the different areas in which we go at our own pace. College, marrying, kids, grief, therapy, healing. Yet, even as we know everyone has their own pace, we still tend to judge others by OUR pace and not by theirs. If they haven’t married by the age you were married, then what’s their deal? If they haven’t had kids yet and you have, does that mean they never will? If you grieved a loss and felt better by 6 months, but someone else is a year into their grief, then they’re not working very hard to move on. If their kid hasn’t talked yet and yours was saying full blown sentences by that time, then something is wrong with their kid.
I don’t even know if this is a conscious thing. Sometimes I think it’s subconscious, but it certainly happens in so many areas of life. I’ve been guilty of it as well as a victim of it. And I’m here to tell you, when someone looks at your life and can only see the areas in which you’re “slow” or “unaccomplished”, it sure is a slap in the face. Especially when you’ve focused so hard on other areas of your life. But that’s not the point of this. My point is that when we compare our pace to other people’s pace, we begin to think something is wrong with us, that we are missing something, or that we need to have whatever it is someone else has. What a dangerous road to walk down, my friends.
Gratitude has been shown to be a great counterpart to anxiety and depression. Guess what we won’t have when we are too busy looking at our neighbors’ lives and accomplishments? Gratitude. Instead we will have jealousy, envy, discontent.
Going at our own pace means that we are living our lives in a way that suits how we are made. I’ll use myself as an example. I‘m not married. I‘m asked a lot if I want to be married and have kids, as though not having a husband and kids somehow means that I just don’t want them. (Let us be mindful of the pain these innocent questions can cause. Especially for women struggling with infertility. It adds nothing to your life to know whether someone wants kids or not. That’s simply a question of curiosity that can be left out of conversation altogether. I suppose this is another topic for another blog! hehe) Anyways, these questions bring up an impatience in me. Because the truth is, I would love to be married. I would love to have kids. However, this is not the pace in which my life has gone. Instead, I’ve met other goals like college, career, my own business, buying my own home. And if I start focusing on the things I don’t have yet, I’ll lose my gratitude for the things I do have.
I sit here pondering this ”pace” topic and it makes me think of the many hurting people in this world. Those who are in counseling, have been for a while, and those who have yet to seek it out. I wonder what types of nudging they get from others to be “well” or to be “fixed?” I wonder how many people rush the process simply because they don’t want other people to judge their pace? Do you know there’s really no magical number for which a person is supposed to be healed? Some people need a lifetime of help when traversing all the ups and downs of life. Some people only need a few sessions and then things are back on track for them. Every pace is different. And that’s perfectly okay. If you rush your own process, you will miss out on the things you're supposed to learn, to see and to do along the way. Is it hard to take life at your own pace? Definitely! Especially when everyone is a critic or a judge. But here's the reality: they aren't living your life, nor do they have to. So, at the end of it all, YOU are the one who has to be okay with the pace you set for your life. And my friends, it is completely ok if your pace looks different than your neighbors.
Until Next Time!
Be happy!
Be healthy!
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